This post right here is going to be the most emotional one for me and it is pretty long so please bear with me. High School for me was the most stressful thing that I have had to deal in a long time. There were some good things that happened to me and there were some bad things that happened to me and I have to say I am surprised that I made it out of there like I did.
Before I entered high school, I was in my high school’s band camp for the summer to prepare for the marching band season. I had met some other freshman so we could get the fundamentals and socially it was ok. The upper classmen were helping us at the time and some of them were really intimidating since they were older. My freshman year was a pretty good year for me. I had decent courses like English, Physical Science, and Math. I also took ROTC since that was the requirement instead of PE and that was an easy class. Yes some of the classes I took were easier and others mostly because I have some great teachers and not so great teachers when it comes to their teaching methods.Socially it was a good year.I went to lunch and I didn't sit by myself. I had a couple of people I would sit with at lunch and one person I had a thing for. I met him though someone I knew in elementary school. Also some of the seniors I meet were pretty cool. It was kind of sad when they graduated, I never really heard from them until a couple of years after I graduated and I still talk to some of them. The bad part of my social issue is that I didn't get to do other activities that I wanted to do at that time because band took over my life. Going to the football games, having rehearsals, and competitions were all sacrifices. Also when it comes to marching band it was really hard for me. I am not the most coordinated person so when it comes to marching, it is not easy for me. To hold the flute parallel to the ground is not easy for my body. Also those practices took a toll on my body to the point that I would pass out.Also the medication I was on had that effect since we were marching over and over again so it would cause my head to spin. So my mom, the band teacher and I decided that next year I would sit out for the marching part. Also the band teacher was not the best teacher because his teaching methods were not working for me since he did not know how to play most of the instruments and was hard on us. Then when it came to the competitions, we tried our best to perform and he would not tell us did a good job and he would criticize that we did not place on top. When it comes to the concert part I did like it despite his methods. One time we had to play a piece of our music and if we failed we could not eat the pizza. I am a good player but my nerves got the best of me so I did not get a good mark and I could not eat the pizza. But when it came to the concerts we didn't start on time but the good part is that I got to see my good friend that I had a crush on. The other bad part is the people that I thought were my friends in middle school did not really talk to me when we got to high school. Two of the girls were in the color guard and one of them just changed out of nowhere. Also like I said before I have a crush on a friend that I met through someone. And he and I had lunch together and also I talked about him so much that one of my teachers heard my conversation and called my mom about it.
Sophomore year was the year that started a downfall for me but also there were some exiting things that happened. First of all I returned to band since I thought it would go well for me and I was wrong. I realized that the steps of the marching were easier than last year and he would let me do it because of the IEP that happened last year. Also he would not put me on pit because he was afraid that I could not handle it. I wish I could have proved him wrong at that time but oh well. So basically I just sat at the sidelines. .I had to come to the football games anyways to play for the football team.As everyone would get ready for the halftime show I would just sit on the stands alone. Of course I was bullied in band because I am the awkward one in the band. So I tried everything and nothing worked and I even told the band teacher and he called me a cry baby. Then also the music for the concert band was not fully easy for me to play since the figuring was not easy for the flute and of course I was not a professional so I could not take it anymore so in the middle of my sophomore year I decided enough was enough and I quit It makes me sad that I quit but the band teacher took my joy of playing away from me and my passion. Also the really messed up part is that I wanted to do jazz band and he told me they don’t have the flute in jazz music and I know there is a flute jazz musicians because I bought a CD with a jazz flute player. Now I can think about it for those two years he did not really want to deal with me but he have to since I signed up for the class. The other news is that they have a Health Science program at my high school and that makes me happy because that is one of my interests. I love Anatomy and physiology, learning about diseases and disorders and taking care of people. I learned a lot in that class like taking the blood pressure, temperature, and listening to the heart rate. The teacher seemed pretty nice and caring and also the class was pretty hands on so it was and still is one of my favorite classes. Socally this is the part that had its up and downs. I was at lunch and there was this girl sitting close to where I was sitting at and I thought she was a teacher since she had those thick glasses and I found out that she was a student. She asked me if I was in ROTC and of course I told her yes and we clicked and started talking and I even went to her house and that was the first time in my life that I went to someones house outside of school and of course for me it felt weird. She and I are still friends even though she moved to another state but we still keep in touch. Also I think she is on the spectrum but that is another story to come. The friend I have a crush on started dating other girls and of course that made me so jealous. So one day when he was single I asked him out, I got rejected and he told me that he only sees me as a friend so it really hurt me. I cried the whole time at school and I tried so hard not to cry but I was so crazy I was so clingy since I did not want to lose him as a friend. Even my mom told me not to be with him but it was so hard for me since I was obsessed with him and that that autism side of me. I go hard when I really like someone and I start to have that attachment thing. I will also talk about that more in the future. I also got a chance to do some of the extracurricular actives I did before band but it was a struggle because band goes first. Then when I quit band I had the freedom to do other activities that I wanted to do. One of my favorites was drama because I could act out in scenarios and the good part about having drama is that it does help out in some social situations.
My Junior year was pretty hard for me. I met some good people for 2 years and one morning I went to school and I was sitting down reading my book with the people I knew. All of a sudden one person said some stuff that was hurtful like I was following them and I was trying too hard. Also they would tell me go away and leave them alone. In my mind I was so confused and I was hurt and overwhelmed with emotions and the sad thing is the guy I had been friends with did not stand up for me. The only person that stood up for me was my friend that had the thick glasses at the time So at those times I was hurt but I just distanced myself and tried to figure out how to have more people in my circle. The classes I was taking were pretty hard and miserable at the same time. I didn't really fit in with my classmates and some of the teachers didn't understand my needs and it was hard to go to class especially after lunch because that was when the stress came into play for me. I also experienced my first panic attack ever when I was about to go to class and thank god it did not last that long but it was really scary. Also I went to prom that year. Sadly I did not have a date to go with me. However, I went with 2 girls at the time and even though the music at prom sucked at least I could go. One of my other classes I liked the most was Food and Nutrition. I knew how to cook before I took the class, but the stuff we made was quite interesting and fun. The best part about that class was that I had it first period so I didn't have to eat breakfast when it was our day to cook
I could just eat what we made
I have gone though some ups and downs. There are some times I wanted to give up but I was determined to stick by it and work the best I knew how. And as I look back I don’t miss high school at all but it got me to where I could be in the present moment.