How to Be a Friend on the Autism Spectrum

Lately the diagnoses of autism is on the rise. Right now it is 1 out of 68 and I personally think that we should aware there are more autistic people in the world now than it ever have in last 20 years.I have would give this advice to anyone that haves a friends that is on the autism spectrum or even someone that is on the autism them self could tell their friends also. I would give you the list information to give to your friends. 



Don’t assume that we do not have a value friendship. Yes, we have problems with commutation and social interaction. But that does not mean we don't want anything to do with having a friendship.  there are communication challenges and trouble with social interactions.The truth is like nerotypical people some of us like myself are extroverted than others and there are some of use that are introverted so it just depends on the personality of the person's interaction. So we also do other value others who want to be our friend for who we are as a person. 

Be patient. This is the problem with some people. If you want to be our friend we cannot follow your flow as you wanted it would be overwhelming us. So my advice to this is that you have to be patient and figure out how we flow when it comes to the commutations and our environment. Also there are some of us that it take us a while to get another people to get to now another person so you have to take the time to get to know that person. 

Respect sensory differences. People with autism are often unusually sensitive to sounds, sights, touch, taste and smells.That is a really important information to remember. Like for me I don't like crowded places to much. A good friend must understand that certain things textures and even smells could be uncomfortable so have to compromise some of those situations to make us more comfortable environment wise. Like for me if I have to step outside since the environment is overwhelming that person must understand that I need to adjust myself.

Don’t treat people with autism like a project.  I would say this did not happened to me yet. It is not cool to treat use like a project or using us like a charity case. We are also have feeling also and do deserve to have friends like everyone else.So I don't want someone to be my freind because they feel sorry for me for being different from the normal. I just want respect like how you respect everyone else. Just be my friend because you see me as a person and include me in events and other things like that.I just do not want people to show me off like that and make them feel like they doing a good deed. Its not really a good dead at all.

Stand up for your autistic friend. Autistic like myself are prone to experance bullying to some degree and there are times. So if you see a autistic friend being teased or bullied it would be nice to take a stand. If you take a stand that means you are a really loyal to that person's safety. Also any form of ableism like excluding the person it not a good thing to have. Like if there is a party or a event make sure to invite use into the group. Don't be ashamed to be around us. We are human just like everyone else. 

Hopefully if anyone can use these rules that I could mention, Then you could be a good friend. Also in one note, I do also have to put out that respect is also a major key. So there are some things that we do that do consider to be out of he ordinary so you cannot change how we stim or maintain our environment. However when it comes to social situations you can help use with some of the social situation. That is all of the information that I have for now I hope everyone could use the tools and pass it to your peers.

Lack Of Eye Contact

This subject here is the one that a lot of people need to understand. I can give eye contact to anyone that I am talking to face to face. The problem is that looking directly in the eye is really unconfertable. That feeling itself is like someone just though chemicals in my eye sockets. I also feel violated when people look directly into my eyes. It like looking at my soul and it is so unconertable. I do try my best to do that having the eyecontact. I have to look at something else like the corner of the wall. My issue is that people get mad when I do not give them eye contact. I could hear them fine. I just use my ears to listen to them of course so I could understand what they are saying to me better. It not easy for me to have eye contact however I will try my best to work aound that issue. The conclusion of the issue of having lack of having eye contact is dealing with lack of eye contact does not mean we trying to be rude. It just mean that it just hard for us to give eye contact to people. It also mean that it just having a harder time giving people eye contact. It also mean that we do hear what you are saying. All I say it just to be patent  that it does take time.

Autism Awareness Month

The month of April is Awareness month. The original way of Autism Awareness month is mostly run by Autism Speaks. I never been interested on the organization when i was younger. As I got older I realize from my other autistic friends that the organization it not what it stands for. It mostly like finding cures and treatments. It also does not have any of Autistic people on the campaign. It just does not make many since to me to light the color blue if organization is not involving people like myself. So even though is a month I will detumain to do my best to spread the awareness. I mostly would do the awareness that they are older people that are autistic and we still have our struggles. Like I said before it is easier to assume that the cut off age of having autism is eighteen but realistically we are still going to have it as an adult. I would tell anyone make sure if someone is autistic please make sure to get to know us. Yes we have issues socially and other issues but don't just avoid us. Well this the introduction of what is going on for the month of April.

Autistic Role Modles

This post that I am writing about is tied to what i am writing about the last time. I said Temple Graindin is one of the few people I do like as a person and someone that motivate me as a person. I have to say that she is not my role model because she mostly into her thing with her carreer with animals mostly the way of dealing with the cows. She also do not that that we should not be fixated in our disorders and being more of a disability activists. I do have role models that are famous how ever non of them do not have autism and it just sad that I could not name someone that is diagnosed that people know except her.

I know historically there are some people that might be in the spectrum like Albert Einstine or Thomas Jefferson or Mozart. However people can't say they are autistic because they are like genesis and stuff and that is not the case half of the time. I just wish there was someone on the spectrum that is a athlete or a singer or activist. Just compare to one famous person with autism is kind of annoying in the way. Like I said few times before I am  different from another autistic person.

I knew some of the autistic people that are famous however only a few people outside of the community knew them. I will list most of them some other time. For now I have to say i do have some people that I do look up to.

I have a couple of autistic friends that I mostly talk to online I do look up to some of them because some of them have like the same passion as I am. One day I hope could find someone that I would one day.

I also hope that that if someone is on the autism spectrum they could also look up to me for inspiration. That is one of the main goals that I would have in the future.

I Not Temple Grandon

I am actually doing my own opinion on this blog I just read like few weeks ago. I actually agree that this person that wrote the blog about this issue mostly in women that is on the autism spectrum. I will post her original blog right below. 

I realize that there are not too much women on the autism spectrum as they much with men. One person that a lot of people knew about even someone is one on the spectrum or not is Temple Granden. I admit I did like her as a person. However I am slowly am tired of people know only her as the famous one and might get compare to. 

The reason why I say this because most of the people will see her books or  movie that is based on her life. When I told some people that I am autistic, some people will ask me you know Temple Granden. I mean I know her when I was in elementary or middle school years. When I heard of  her I was shock and amazed that there was  someone that I older that understands how my mind works. I have seen her talk twice and I do like some of the topics she talked about. She is straight to the point just like me. 

The sad thing is that a lot of people do not know other people that is on the spectrum especially in women and I will talk about that more in detail some other time. I not even close to be like her. People is having stereotypes that autistic people are like Temple Granden and this is when the comparisons come into play. 

I am not like a genus like her. Like I said before I am smart in some things and some things take me longer to learn. I just have the average inelegance. Like I said before most autistic people are not even savant and people would think that we are but it just a slim chance to find someone that is on the autism spectrum and savant. 

Also Temple Grand in is the type of person that is not into relationships and raising kids. This popular culture that autistic people that prefer not to be in the relationships. I did said that is a really big stereotype people used all the time. I mean I know autistic people that are gay bi or even married. There are some people that are not on the spectrum that do not want to get married. It just a choice anyways to be in the relationships. Temple has a choice to choose her career than being in the relationships and that makes her happy. I know autistic people that have kids and they happy they have kids. That also a choice to raise kids or not. It just not or anyone.

I would not say she is not my role model. She does inspire me somewhat. I just wish there is more people on the spectrum that a lot o people knew more. There are more autistic people in the world and I wish there are other autistics I would also inspire but it is so limited of well known as Temple Granden.

 I Not Temple Grandon

The Abnormal Fitting In to the Socal World

This entry that I am going to talk about is been on my mind for quite some time. I am dealing with fitting in the social world. Even when I was younger it is hard for me to fit in. I try so hard at the time to act a certain way that a typical person does naturally.I am naturally the outcast in the group because of my hard time with social situations.  Its hurts me that people do not give me a chance to get to know me. I know that I can not make people like me ,but it just hurts that people are this world are like that.

My other problem I try to figure out some of stuff that most people are talking about. One thing that I never understand is gossip. I not the type of person that gossips about other people. It just not cool and it does hurt the other person in the end. If someone told me about someone else I just listen but I just don't say anything about it. It just does not wrap my mind why people do that it just not get my attention to me at all. I also don't get some of the trends that people talk about around me it just does not fascinate me. It just pointless. I notice that I have don't follow trends as much. Where I live I do have a good family that loves me and a good group of friends that accepted me as I am. However, it is so hard to tell them some stuff because, I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable or make anyone upset. I  keep some of the stuff to myself. Like I say before I have interested and obsessions that I wish I could talk about. For example like some of my friends I can talk to them about Doctor Who and some of the anime shows that we discuss. I have a group of other friends that I could talk about Nurodiversity and Autism stuff. If I talk to  a random stranger, I would have a hard time keeping a conversation. I don't know what to talk about in that situation and it just hard for me to get that persons attention. I not a shy person it just my nerves it preventing me to have a conversation. I just thinking if this person is interested in me or if they find me weird just a lot of things that runs on my mind. I also worried about how they going to respond to me and if i could read their cues or not. I just don't know what kind of question to ask them in the moment it just overwhelming. But when it comes to groups its the harder part for me because it will be a few people in the group that did not even notice that I was there and since some people in the group know me and there are some people in the group that does not know me so I have to catch up to see how the person is. I am in the process of dealing that in my circle of friends and it is still a overwhelming thing to deal with. I have a hard time catching up with the conversation since it just goes so fast and my mind cannot focus on one thing at a time. I sometimes have to sit there pretending that i know what they talking about even though I have know idea what is going on. My issue is that I don't know what to talk about to some people. Some people it is easier to talk about anything and open about what is up with me. Then some of the conversations tend to be one sided and it just frustrating sometimes because I do have some stuff i wish i could tell people but I just could not because the person might not be interested on what I am going to say.

I also like the being the outcast. I don't have to deal with the peer pressure as much. I glad I do not have to go though that because If I had I would of done anything for people to accept me. I would also dertrmand to do anything to keep the friendships I have because of some pressure. I would also could be so open minded on what kind of people to hang with now. I don't mind talking to someone that is diffrent from the societies version of normal. Also dealing with drama within the group of people I will admit that it is very overwhelming to deal with.

I would have to also blame the society that I have to become something I not. It was so hard to be in a typical world confined what makes me who I am as a person. I just wish that I did not have to deal with that when I was younger. Now that I am older,I am trying my best to be myself. I would say I am so happy that I have many people in my life that accepts me for who I am. If any one that read this I would like to say thanks for getting to know me as a person.

Things People Should Not Say To A Autistic Person

Before I write this post I have this person's blog a long time ago. Her name is Lyndia Brown and she is an Autistic Activist.  I like most of her blogs and this one I am about to write did stick up to me the most because some of them I could related to. Her blog is called Autistic Hoya and I am going to use this idea, however I am putting my own words to this.

1. "So is that like being ret**ded?"
First of all that word itself is really derogatory. I personally hate that word and it does hurt me when other people use it to defined what we are as humans. Its like saying the N word to a African American person. Second Intellectually it just varies on the person but most of us can have an average IQ to an above average IQ. There are some that have lower IQs but that does not depend if someone is Autistic or not when it comes to IQ since mostly it usually is a social issue.

2. You seem normal or You don't seem to be Autistic.
I would like to say that nobody is this world is normal. Everyone has something going on even it is a disability or a sexuality or any issues behind close doors. Having Autism, it is a invisible disorder but you can not really tell unless we are having a conversation or stimming or in the cases when we are not in the best of moods or in stress. It is  not something you just see. Also people cannot judge the person and you do not know the experience the person has to go though. Just don't assume we are acting normal because that what you see.

3. You must be high functioning.
I personally do not like the high functioning or low functioning labels. I know some that could talk but don't know how to cook or clean or even keep a job. There are some that could not talk or have a harder time verbalizing that could get jobs or clean or cook. It just depends on the person. Also there are people like myself that did not talk until went though obstetrical. It just depends on the person.So it is not wise to say that about the person unless you know the person pretty well.

4. I know a kid that is severe and you don't seem to be like him.
Like I said before every Autistic person is so different from each other. You cannot really compaire me to another autistic person. That is really one of my pet peeves. It just depends on the skill level of the person. Some of us can communicate but having a struggle with other peoples emotions. Some of us cannot verbally communicate but can tell our emotions by other ways like sign language or typing. Also the problem that bothers me is yes I have classic signs and I still but it is not noticeable.

5 Can you have sex
This one is one of those questions that you  should not  ask anyone out of  the blue. Of course we can. We are human so anyone of us could have sex. Even someone that has physical problems can have sex. But our situation it just depends on the person and its our decision whether to have it or not. Some of use are  not the touchable type since there are some sensory input to it.This topic I will talk about  more in the future so this is what I could say about it for now.

6. Does that mean you're really good at math/computers/numbers?
That is one of the common stereotype of being on the spectrum and for myself I am good at math and computers and numbers but not like in the expert level. I know autistic people that are not really good at stuff like that. I know some on the spectrum that are artistic musically and visually. Also being autistic and savant is not really that common. Also some of us also have some learning disability like dyslexia or dyscalculia. I do have just a typical leaning disability . I have a hard time figure out what the book is about after I read it. If there is a subject I like I learn it quickly or the same pace as everyone else. And if there is a subject that I have a hard time or if someone teaches it that is really confusing to me its hard for me to catch on. So it just depends on the person. So its like asking a tall person if they play basketball because they are tall.

7. But you're married/have a job/go to college. You couldn't do that if you were really Autistic.
Yes there are people are autistic that are in college and have jobs. We are also human and it's a choice to have those options. It is really insulting to say because don't know the person's situation. and how their life is. It i also discriminating to disabled community. I will talk about my experiences with college and having a job in the future. I will also talk about the relationship situations in the future.

8.Do you take any medications for that?
First of all that is one of those questions that you don't ask people because that is personal information. Second there is not a pill or treatment for Autism. This topic I will write about it more some other time. I could say that some of us do take it for other reasons. But that question I personally don't mind answering since its kind of broad, or if that person is having a issue with a loved one that is on the spectrum, I could tell them some of my experience of that. But just a random question like that is just rude.

9 Can you please not flap/rock/spin/jump in public? It's embarrassing
I am going to write this in depth in the future. Hand flapping, rocking, spinning, are parts of stimming. Stimming is repetitive movements that calms our bodies, usually when certain emotions happen or depending on the environment we are in. It something that we could not fully control and it is just part of how we cope in the environment or situation. It like telling a Muslim woman to take off her hijab, it is just something that is within us

10. You seem to be a nice person/I thought you would be violent
This one is the most ridiculous comment ever. I personally have people that told me this. It is just very insulting because I am a nice person and that just my nature, but just to assume that autistic  people are cold and don't show emotions. is just really a bad stereotype. There are people are cold or don't have emotions to people so some of us might appear could but not deep down we not. Also I have to add to this that one that not all of are violent and I did not and I did hear on the news because that one person is on the spectrum that did the shooting at Newtown makes it seems that we are like that. It did make me cry because I don't want people to afraid of me or anyone else on the spectrum because of that. I will also like to add that we appear to be like that when one of is having a meltdown and taking it out on others but it does not mean that its violence at all.


These are the list of things not to say to an Autistic person or anyone that is Autistic. If someone says they are autistic Its ok to ask questions but in a subtle way and this list will let you make sure that you are not hurting the persons' feelings.