This entry that I am going to talk about is been on my mind for quite some time. I am dealing with fitting in the social world. Even when I was younger it is hard for me to fit in. I try so hard at the time to act a certain way that a typical person does naturally.I am naturally the outcast in the group because of my hard time with social situations. Its hurts me that people do not give me a chance to get to know me. I know that I can not make people like me ,but it just hurts that people are this world are like that.
My other problem I try to figure out some of stuff that most people are talking about. One thing that I never understand is gossip. I not the type of person that gossips about other people. It just not cool and it does hurt the other person in the end. If someone told me about someone else I just listen but I just don't say anything about it. It just does not wrap my mind why people do that it just not get my attention to me at all. I also don't get some of the trends that people talk about around me it just does not fascinate me. It just pointless. I notice that I have don't follow trends as much. Where I live I do have a good family that loves me and a good group of friends that accepted me as I am. However, it is so hard to tell them some stuff because, I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable or make anyone upset. I keep some of the stuff to myself. Like I say before I have interested and obsessions that I wish I could talk about. For example like some of my friends I can talk to them about Doctor Who and some of the anime shows that we discuss. I have a group of other friends that I could talk about Nurodiversity and Autism stuff. If I talk to a random stranger, I would have a hard time keeping a conversation. I don't know what to talk about in that situation and it just hard for me to get that persons attention. I not a shy person it just my nerves it preventing me to have a conversation. I just thinking if this person is interested in me or if they find me weird just a lot of things that runs on my mind. I also worried about how they going to respond to me and if i could read their cues or not. I just don't know what kind of question to ask them in the moment it just overwhelming. But when it comes to groups its the harder part for me because it will be a few people in the group that did not even notice that I was there and since some people in the group know me and there are some people in the group that does not know me so I have to catch up to see how the person is. I am in the process of dealing that in my circle of friends and it is still a overwhelming thing to deal with. I have a hard time catching up with the conversation since it just goes so fast and my mind cannot focus on one thing at a time. I sometimes have to sit there pretending that i know what they talking about even though I have know idea what is going on. My issue is that I don't know what to talk about to some people. Some people it is easier to talk about anything and open about what is up with me. Then some of the conversations tend to be one sided and it just frustrating sometimes because I do have some stuff i wish i could tell people but I just could not because the person might not be interested on what I am going to say.
I also like the being the outcast. I don't have to deal with the peer pressure as much. I glad I do not have to go though that because If I had I would of done anything for people to accept me. I would also dertrmand to do anything to keep the friendships I have because of some pressure. I would also could be so open minded on what kind of people to hang with now. I don't mind talking to someone that is diffrent from the societies version of normal. Also dealing with drama within the group of people I will admit that it is very overwhelming to deal with.
I would have to also blame the society that I have to become something I not. It was so hard to be in a typical world confined what makes me who I am as a person. I just wish that I did not have to deal with that when I was younger. Now that I am older,I am trying my best to be myself. I would say I am so happy that I have many people in my life that accepts me for who I am. If any one that read this I would like to say thanks for getting to know me as a person.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Before I write this post I have this person's blog a long time ago. Her name is Lyndia Brown and she is an Autistic Activist. I like most of her blogs and this one I am about to write did stick up to me the most because some of them I could related to. Her blog is called Autistic Hoya and I am going to use this idea, however I am putting my own words to this.
1. "So is that like being ret**ded?"
First of all that word itself is really derogatory. I personally hate that word and it does hurt me when other people use it to defined what we are as humans. Its like saying the N word to a African American person. Second Intellectually it just varies on the person but most of us can have an average IQ to an above average IQ. There are some that have lower IQs but that does not depend if someone is Autistic or not when it comes to IQ since mostly it usually is a social issue.
2. You seem normal or You don't seem to be Autistic.
I would like to say that nobody is this world is normal. Everyone has something going on even it is a disability or a sexuality or any issues behind close doors. Having Autism, it is a invisible disorder but you can not really tell unless we are having a conversation or stimming or in the cases when we are not in the best of moods or in stress. It is not something you just see. Also people cannot judge the person and you do not know the experience the person has to go though. Just don't assume we are acting normal because that what you see.
3. You must be high functioning.
I personally do not like the high functioning or low functioning labels. I know some that could talk but don't know how to cook or clean or even keep a job. There are some that could not talk or have a harder time verbalizing that could get jobs or clean or cook. It just depends on the person. Also there are people like myself that did not talk until went though obstetrical. It just depends on the person.So it is not wise to say that about the person unless you know the person pretty well.
4. I know a kid that is severe and you don't seem to be like him.
Like I said before every Autistic person is so different from each other. You cannot really compaire me to another autistic person. That is really one of my pet peeves. It just depends on the skill level of the person. Some of us can communicate but having a struggle with other peoples emotions. Some of us cannot verbally communicate but can tell our emotions by other ways like sign language or typing. Also the problem that bothers me is yes I have classic signs and I still but it is not noticeable.
5 Can you have sex
This one is one of those questions that you should not ask anyone out of the blue. Of course we can. We are human so anyone of us could have sex. Even someone that has physical problems can have sex. But our situation it just depends on the person and its our decision whether to have it or not. Some of use are not the touchable type since there are some sensory input to it.This topic I will talk about more in the future so this is what I could say about it for now.
6. Does that mean you're really good at math/computers/numbers?
That is one of the common stereotype of being on the spectrum and for myself I am good at math and computers and numbers but not like in the expert level. I know autistic people that are not really good at stuff like that. I know some on the spectrum that are artistic musically and visually. Also being autistic and savant is not really that common. Also some of us also have some learning disability like dyslexia or dyscalculia. I do have just a typical leaning disability . I have a hard time figure out what the book is about after I read it. If there is a subject I like I learn it quickly or the same pace as everyone else. And if there is a subject that I have a hard time or if someone teaches it that is really confusing to me its hard for me to catch on. So it just depends on the person. So its like asking a tall person if they play basketball because they are tall.
7. But you're married/have a job/go to college. You couldn't do that if you were really Autistic.
Yes there are people are autistic that are in college and have jobs. We are also human and it's a choice to have those options. It is really insulting to say because don't know the person's situation. and how their life is. It i also discriminating to disabled community. I will talk about my experiences with college and having a job in the future. I will also talk about the relationship situations in the future.
8.Do you take any medications for that?
First of all that is one of those questions that you don't ask people because that is personal information. Second there is not a pill or treatment for Autism. This topic I will write about it more some other time. I could say that some of us do take it for other reasons. But that question I personally don't mind answering since its kind of broad, or if that person is having a issue with a loved one that is on the spectrum, I could tell them some of my experience of that. But just a random question like that is just rude.
9 Can you please not flap/rock/spin/jump in public? It's embarrassing
I am going to write this in depth in the future. Hand flapping, rocking, spinning, are parts of stimming. Stimming is repetitive movements that calms our bodies, usually when certain emotions happen or depending on the environment we are in. It something that we could not fully control and it is just part of how we cope in the environment or situation. It like telling a Muslim woman to take off her hijab, it is just something that is within us
10. You seem to be a nice person/I thought you would be violent
This one is the most ridiculous comment ever. I personally have people that told me this. It is just very insulting because I am a nice person and that just my nature, but just to assume that autistic people are cold and don't show emotions. is just really a bad stereotype. There are people are cold or don't have emotions to people so some of us might appear could but not deep down we not. Also I have to add to this that one that not all of are violent and I did not and I did hear on the news because that one person is on the spectrum that did the shooting at Newtown makes it seems that we are like that. It did make me cry because I don't want people to afraid of me or anyone else on the spectrum because of that. I will also like to add that we appear to be like that when one of is having a meltdown and taking it out on others but it does not mean that its violence at all.
These are the list of things not to say to an Autistic person or anyone that is Autistic. If someone says they are autistic Its ok to ask questions but in a subtle way and this list will let you make sure that you are not hurting the persons' feelings.