Sunday, February 16, 2014

Things People Should Not Say To A Autistic Person

Before I write this post I have this person's blog a long time ago. Her name is Lyndia Brown and she is an Autistic Activist.  I like most of her blogs and this one I am about to write did stick up to me the most because some of them I could related to. Her blog is called Autistic Hoya and I am going to use this idea, however I am putting my own words to this.

1. "So is that like being ret**ded?"
First of all that word itself is really derogatory. I personally hate that word and it does hurt me when other people use it to defined what we are as humans. Its like saying the N word to a African American person. Second Intellectually it just varies on the person but most of us can have an average IQ to an above average IQ. There are some that have lower IQs but that does not depend if someone is Autistic or not when it comes to IQ since mostly it usually is a social issue.

2. You seem normal or You don't seem to be Autistic.
I would like to say that nobody is this world is normal. Everyone has something going on even it is a disability or a sexuality or any issues behind close doors. Having Autism, it is a invisible disorder but you can not really tell unless we are having a conversation or stimming or in the cases when we are not in the best of moods or in stress. It is  not something you just see. Also people cannot judge the person and you do not know the experience the person has to go though. Just don't assume we are acting normal because that what you see.

3. You must be high functioning.
I personally do not like the high functioning or low functioning labels. I know some that could talk but don't know how to cook or clean or even keep a job. There are some that could not talk or have a harder time verbalizing that could get jobs or clean or cook. It just depends on the person. Also there are people like myself that did not talk until went though obstetrical. It just depends on the person.So it is not wise to say that about the person unless you know the person pretty well.

4. I know a kid that is severe and you don't seem to be like him.
Like I said before every Autistic person is so different from each other. You cannot really compaire me to another autistic person. That is really one of my pet peeves. It just depends on the skill level of the person. Some of us can communicate but having a struggle with other peoples emotions. Some of us cannot verbally communicate but can tell our emotions by other ways like sign language or typing. Also the problem that bothers me is yes I have classic signs and I still but it is not noticeable.

5 Can you have sex
This one is one of those questions that you  should not  ask anyone out of  the blue. Of course we can. We are human so anyone of us could have sex. Even someone that has physical problems can have sex. But our situation it just depends on the person and its our decision whether to have it or not. Some of use are  not the touchable type since there are some sensory input to it.This topic I will talk about  more in the future so this is what I could say about it for now.

6. Does that mean you're really good at math/computers/numbers?
That is one of the common stereotype of being on the spectrum and for myself I am good at math and computers and numbers but not like in the expert level. I know autistic people that are not really good at stuff like that. I know some on the spectrum that are artistic musically and visually. Also being autistic and savant is not really that common. Also some of us also have some learning disability like dyslexia or dyscalculia. I do have just a typical leaning disability . I have a hard time figure out what the book is about after I read it. If there is a subject I like I learn it quickly or the same pace as everyone else. And if there is a subject that I have a hard time or if someone teaches it that is really confusing to me its hard for me to catch on. So it just depends on the person. So its like asking a tall person if they play basketball because they are tall.

7. But you're married/have a job/go to college. You couldn't do that if you were really Autistic.
Yes there are people are autistic that are in college and have jobs. We are also human and it's a choice to have those options. It is really insulting to say because don't know the person's situation. and how their life is. It i also discriminating to disabled community. I will talk about my experiences with college and having a job in the future. I will also talk about the relationship situations in the future.

8.Do you take any medications for that?
First of all that is one of those questions that you don't ask people because that is personal information. Second there is not a pill or treatment for Autism. This topic I will write about it more some other time. I could say that some of us do take it for other reasons. But that question I personally don't mind answering since its kind of broad, or if that person is having a issue with a loved one that is on the spectrum, I could tell them some of my experience of that. But just a random question like that is just rude.

9 Can you please not flap/rock/spin/jump in public? It's embarrassing
I am going to write this in depth in the future. Hand flapping, rocking, spinning, are parts of stimming. Stimming is repetitive movements that calms our bodies, usually when certain emotions happen or depending on the environment we are in. It something that we could not fully control and it is just part of how we cope in the environment or situation. It like telling a Muslim woman to take off her hijab, it is just something that is within us

10. You seem to be a nice person/I thought you would be violent
This one is the most ridiculous comment ever. I personally have people that told me this. It is just very insulting because I am a nice person and that just my nature, but just to assume that autistic  people are cold and don't show emotions. is just really a bad stereotype. There are people are cold or don't have emotions to people so some of us might appear could but not deep down we not. Also I have to add to this that one that not all of are violent and I did not and I did hear on the news because that one person is on the spectrum that did the shooting at Newtown makes it seems that we are like that. It did make me cry because I don't want people to afraid of me or anyone else on the spectrum because of that. I will also like to add that we appear to be like that when one of is having a meltdown and taking it out on others but it does not mean that its violence at all.

These are the list of things not to say to an Autistic person or anyone that is Autistic. If someone says they are autistic Its ok to ask questions but in a subtle way and this list will let you make sure that you are not hurting the persons' feelings.


  1. This was very interesting to read. It kinda makes you think about how words and degrees of common sense can really affect people.

  2. Very well put together, and I agree people should think before speaking, to anyone for that matter. Everyone of us are human beings with feelings, and people need to respect each other regardless of what makes us different because in the end we're not that different.